Leaving Your Mark

                                                       

Hi everyone. Today, marks my fourth month of being in Trinidad and Tobago! Can you believe it? I can't! Before arriving here, I remember doubting my abilities to handle this field placement. BUT as usual, god has painted a bigger picture for me ONCE AGAIN!

Last week, my field placement was completed. My field supervisor wrote on my field placement evaluation "Nicole has been able to practice theory (i.e. action research project and during her counseling sessions). It has been a pleasure working with her, because she has so much to offer the child welfare world". She rated my work as "above average level" and told me "Nicole, god has truly used you in Trinidad and allowed you to place your mark here. These children will NEVER forget you. Especially because you gave them an opportunity to share their stories".

I must say, now that I'm solely doing missionary work, I can focus on completing the "Helping Children Find Their Voice in Institutional Care"! The video launching will be on May 7, 2012. The children are excited and keep asking me, "Miss Nicole, when will we see the video? I can't wait to see it and the staff too. Maybe they will treat us with love MORE often".

You know, this placement has shown me how god works in mysteries ways! I told my field supervisor, "I never thought I would be producing a video. Especially a video that will be used BEYOND my imagination". Just today, I found out the 2012 Children's Authority Act of Trinidad and Tobago was passed last night! You know what that means? I am apart of history because, I made recommendations towards the legislation. Representatives from the Children's Authority Head Office visited The Home today and they were pleased with the children's "My Story" display board. One of the officers stated they will be in attendance of my video launch and will be inviting ALL of the Children's Authority Office.

So often, we can be small minded. But this project has shown me, "if only we can think BIG and stop limiting ourselves". Then again, the mind could never comprehend what god is cooking up in our lives!

Who Am I?

Almost embarking on my third month studying and working at Saint Dominic's Children's Home, I 


have assumed so many roles and not realized it until this evening 

• advocate
• counselor
• case manager
• teacher
• analyst/evaluator
• mediator
• facilitator
• negotiator
• broker 
• enabler  

Lets not forget an ambassador for the kingdom of god. For I continually am reminded that god chose 
me to be here, NOT me! Because I have been so caught up in my daily work and ministry, I have not denied or refused any of the stated roles provided to the children. Its amazing to be able to be used by god in such depth. Now that I have extended my time here (until May 26th), the roles will not stop developing nor the love I have to offer in reach role. Looking forward to sowing more seeds, teaching more skills, developing and producing "Helping Children/Caregiver's Find Their Voice In Institutional Care", having the children create "My Story" postcard art project and "Stop Child Abuse" in honor of April Child Abuse Awareness Month. 


While working in social worker, we are taught to prepare for termination with our clients. I wonder, how easy it will be for me to terminate my work with the children, caregivers and the organization. 
Despite having to depart in two months, I know my heart will always be apart of the children, the home and the country. 

Life is One Big Puzzle Piece

The speech given during Thursdays Retreat. The theme was "Our Children are Our Children" 

Many children are called "At Risk". When does a child become at risk? You see their are four pieces to what makes a child become "At  Risk" and are placed in a Children's Home, Foster Care System or end up on the streets (Street Kid) : (1) The Child (2) The Family (3) The Community (4) and no relationship with God. At any moment, if one puzzle piece is removed, the puzzle is "At Risk" of becoming incomplete!

First puzzle piece is the child - a child becomes "At Risk" when they are exposed to (1) family dysfunction (2) single parenthood (3) lack of love or guidance from family and or guardian (4) experience some form of abuse (be it sexual, physical, emotional and or verbal).

Second puzzle piece is the family- a family becomes "At Risk" when they are faced with (1) poverty (2) high divorce rates and or separation (3) illness or death and (4) substance abuse.

Third puzzle piece is the community - the community becomes "At Risk" when its faced with (1) low-income (2) high crime rate (3) lack of unity  (4) lack of resources, job opportunities  and (5) high school drop out rate.

Fourth puzzle piece is "GOD". When the community and families leave out God, many fall subject to becoming "At Risk".

With all these factors in mind, once a family becomes at risk, the child becomes at risk. This is often the cause of why children leave home and call their home "Children Homes, Foster Care Placements and or the streets".

When was the last time you realized or noticed a child sitting in your church's or school's, and talking or playing with your child is a "street kid or living in a Children's Home or foster home? We as a community and servants of god, need to face and heal with our brokenness, so we can stand as a "village" and keep all the puzzle pieces intact, or the brokenness will continue!

Let Your Light Shine

Miss can I look at the pictures in your phone? Of course I responded "sure". As one of my "children" view the pictures in the cell phone, she stops at this one and laughs. I asked her "do you like this one"? And she says "Yes Miss, I do. Can you print this picture out for me"? So of course I say yes!

It is a blessing to know, we can minister to others in simple ways and not realize it! So, I printed a copy for her to keep and I pray she will look at it daily! Especially when she has a bad day or feels sad, angry or mad! This picture in it self can give her hope in the midst of her current storms.

Today counts sixty days, since I've been working with these children. A dear friend of mine said, "You remind me of Father Abraham of many sons. When I think about it, I see you having many children. You will have so many children you have blessed and you will not know". It blessed my heart and made me want to shead a few tears of joy. Because I never do this work to be rewarded or praised, but I do it unto the lord! And when someone can see that in me, that means my light is shining so bright, I need to wear some SHADES :)

With two in a half months remaining, I pray that the lord will make my light shine so bright, these kids will never forget about me or the god inside of me!

Be blessed everyone and thank you for your prayers and support!

Daily Growth In Ministry

On my fifty three day here in Trinidad and Tobago, I was greeted this morning by this little fella. One of the boys captured him with a box and setting him free within the woods. I couldn't believe my eyes! I have never seen a green iguana outside of the zoo, LOL!

This just proved to me, "you never know what to expect, when your growing daily in ministry". What is your ministry? I knew my ministry consisted of showing love, forgiveness, hope, joy and sharing the message of god to children who are hurting. I never knew it would be on this level though. I believe God uses every part of our journey (good and bad events) to show others, "this is my master piece". I pray every day, children and people all over the world will continue to see God work in me and desire to obtain the same thing!

This morning, I was reading II Timothy 4:5, and God showed me, "Nicole this is what you are to do on a daily bases - be calm and cool and steady, accept and suffer unflinchingly every hardship, do the work of an evangelist and fully perform all the duties of your ministry". 

This trip has also shown me, even when I think "I'm teaching or being a blessing to these children in Children's Home; they are actually teaching me and blessing me in more than one way".  Who even knows if they will ever realize this fact! I also believe I needed this missionary trip to help me grow in greater ways and to take me on a DEEPER level and relationship with god, before he takes me on a GREATER assignment. Who knows, it may go beyond being a foster mother. Either way it goes, I'm ready!

Next week , Friday 2nd of February 2012, I will have been in Trinidad and Tobago for one month. Can you believe it?

Stay blessed everyone and thank you for your continues support and prayers.

The Little Things That Make Me Smile

Good morning everyone! Can you believe it, I have been working and doing missionary work in Trinidad and Tobago for over a month in a half (almost two months). Over the course of my time, you all have kept tabs on my facebook post and pictures. If you haven't don't worry, because there are more to come LOL!

I must say, The Little Things That Make Me Smile are:

(1) being able to see how god is using me
(2) getting closer to god
(3) seeing that others in the states, are being blessed by this journey
(4) able to sow the seed of love to these kids
(5) getting hugs from the kids on valentines day and two kisses (one of my boys and one of the girls shared my story to last week)
(6) little kids on the compound (I don't work with) always saying Hi Mrs. Nicole
(7) able to pray with the kids during group sessions
(8) the boys reside with - always tend to find my hiding place

These little things may not seem a BIG deal, but they are! It shows they're use to me being around now and trust me. So I smile bright everyday, when walking around the compound and seeing their little faces.

Be careful what you request from god

Today marks thirty-seven days since my arrival to Trinidad and Tobago. Now that I've been with the children for sometime here at Saint Dominic's Children's Home, one could say "I've been stretched, pressed, and tested for god's usage"! But that is to be expected right?

Before arriving to the children's home, I was talking with god and said " lord you sending me to do your work. Please use me where you need me most. Please help me to make a difference. Please help me to show these children what love looks like. Please help me to show these children and people what forgiveness and healing looks like. Because your the only one that can show them!" Someone once told me, " be careful what you ask god for, because he will give it to you". Often we don't think about the important factor, "we don't know what to do with our desires - when they land before our feet"! 

Now that I am in the heart of my placement for graduate school, I've realized, this is a missionary trip! Why? On the surface, I'm completed the uniquely tailored assignments but daily working on building the kingdom of god here. How? Through my ministering to the children and with the staff. My placement here, was not a mistake. People keep telling me, " this assignment was made for you and only you. God chose you for this assignment, before you even found out FSU had a international field placement program. And he had you encounter all the trauma you faced during your life's journey; so you can help these children. What better person to do it, Nicole". 

Daily, I think about these things and it amazes me how god keeps dropping things on my lap; and he wont stop. The other night, I was writing in my journal and was jotting down how many projects I'm involved in. Here goes:

1) Life Skills Workshops
2) Case Management - three clients
3) In-Service Training's for on-site and off-site caregivers
4) Home Policy Manual Development
5) Life Skills Assessment Development and Implemented
6) Speaking Engagements ( Sharing my testimony)
7) Development of workshops for youth (i.e. sibling rivalry, trauma and loss, importance of relationships, owning your past, and etc.)

Your head is probably already spinning!!!!!! But it doesn't stop there. I was asked to help this young American fella who, was adopted by a Trinidadian family. He wants to find his mother in the states. The adoptive parents are seeking my help to prepare them for this journey. I have to allow god to help me prepare the family and fella from positive and negative outcomes.

Then this church I've been visiting since my arrival, is having a young women conference. During this conference, an American christian social worker will be coming to conduct the speaking and talk about issues women face and talk about the importance of healing from our trauma. Afterwards, the group will be going to a local hospital and ministering to the patients. I am thinking about joining them.

I realize god has sent me to do a mighty work. And the crazy thing is, I will be here until May 26th. So who knows what else god will lay on my lap.

Can't Leave God Out

Yesterday, I was called "Jumpy Happy Spirit" because I'm always happy and love to talk about god through my work. How could I leave god out? He has been too GOOD to me. And this internship was just provided entry into what he wanted me to do "Missionary Work". He knew I wouldn't put up a fight because I love sharing how god has kept me over the years, through the good and the bad. But hey, it made Nicole who she is......an apple in gods eyes! He knew he could trust me to do his work and not run away on the next flight to the states. That is why time has flown by! With in my one month of being in Trinidad and Tobago, I have become passionate about building the kingdom of god and will do it at all cost! Cost of giving children hope; cost at giving children love; cost at given children a smile; cost at sharing how great god is and he loves them; cost of helping children heal from their trauma and most importantly "COST OF DEVELOPING A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST".

Once, my pastor told me " Don't blame your parents for not being able to take care of you based on their foundation of parenthood. Because they were never taught how to be parents. Especially the one you needed. That is why god rebuilt your foundation and you have such a desire to save children". I am grateful to know that even though I may not have a relationship with my parents, god is my mother and father. So, in other words - he has all I need! And I am not ashamed to share my love with other children in need of someone to love them for them and not judge or reject them!

Everyday, while I have been here......I wake up asking god to use me up! Every once of me! Why? Because I know he didn't send me here just to do field placement but to leave this place shake up forthe glory of  god. And for me to become stronger on a natural and spiritual level".

Leadth Me Beside the Still Waters

I cannot believe week three has already approached! Before my arrival in Trinidad and Tobago, I ask the lord to allow me (1) see things as he would have me see them (2) have me hear things as he would have me to hear them and (3) shine his light through me, so others can see it. Now that I am walking along the pavement every morning, I tend to pray that the lord will allow me to plant the seeds. Not just any seed, but seeds of harvesting fruit, change, hope, peace, love, and most importantly - there is a separation between the past trauma and the future. Too often, I am seeing kids stuck in their past! This often causes the inability to move beyond that point and enter a whirlwind of self destruction. What is the solution? I would have to say - meeting the children where they are at; helping them to own their story , helping them to realize their not to blame for what others have inflicted upon them; and most importantly - allow them to exercise their "VOICE". If those around them are unable to help kids achieve these key components, they will not be successful upon discharge - into society (aging out of the system, reuniting with parent (s) or guardian. That is why its critical for those coming into the child welfare field, to engage with the youth, help the youth know they are special and ensure them - " I will not give up on you". Too often, I hear youth say "I should have stayed in my abusive home. Because the foster system is just as damaging". This breaks my heart and this needs to be changed! If it doesn't, the youth will never heal but die inside. We owe our kids more than this. And I for one, have promised god to do all I can.......to bring about CHANGE! After all, god did not bring me out of a dark tunnel for nothing. He knew I could be the missing piece of the puzzle to make children in need.

Who would have thought?

Who would have thought? I never would have thought my trauma childhood and early adulthood would grant me the ability to experience a day overseas. As many are aware, I grew up in an abusive home, with abusive parents who could care less about my safety or happiness. All they cared about, was hurting a child who couldn't stand up for herself! Little did they know, all the pain I endured by their hands only set me up for greater things. Trinidad and Trinidad is only one of those praise reports.

Once I began facing my past, and freed myself from a domestic violence marriage.....I was able to begin seeing gods calling over my life. Who would have thought that calling would take me back to - foster care world? I hated everything foster care stood for! But then again, who would be a better advocate for the thousands of children currently being served in Florida's foster care system?

I guess god knew he couldn't leave it up to me! And that is why he opened the doors, directed my foot steps and sent people along the way.....that would lay the foundation of missionary, social worker and advocate. Who would have thought? Surely not me! God continually reminds me, I know the plans I have for you Nicole. I knew you before you came out of your mothers womb. These two reminders make me understand how those not so pleasant traumatic expressions only molded me to do greater things and be a stronger and resilient person.

This time last year, I would have never thought international social work would be my calling, but much to my surprise, a door opened to travel Czech Republic. That trip was just a taste of the international world. And I loved it! Who would have thought? I didn't! But god must have believed in me and knew my heart would only burn deeper to become an international advocate! Because, he already allowed me to become a local, state, and national foster care advocate.....but that wasn't enough. He needed me on an international level. Who would have thought? 

Now, I am completing my graduate practicum at Saint Dominic's Children's Home in Trinidad and Tobago. I have been here for two in a half months and have another three in a half months to go. It has already been placed on my heart to extend my internship for an additional two months. Why? Because alot of work needs to be done! Since my arrival at the Children's Home, I have already (1) created a life skills workbook (2) "Change Your Thoughts and Emotions" workbook for individual sessions (3) Drafted Transitional Discharge Plan document for youth aging out of the home (4) Supervising the boys residing with (Saint Joseph Home) and (5) Court Shadowing.

Next week, I am looking forward to (1) supervising a family visitation (2) sharing my story with the off-site transitional boys home (3) making recommendations on the homes Policy Manual.

I am truly grateful for this experience and looking forward to seeing how the rest of this practicum unfolds! Again I ask, who would have thought?

Walking out your purpose

Often, when giving god thanks during the day, I have to say " thank you for the doors you've opened and closed for me".  Often we don't think about the meaning behind a closed door. For me, a close door represents my past and a open door represents my future. In order to take a step into the future, I most accept my past and embrace it. Once my past has been embraced, I can move forward and be used for gods purpose with a clear mind. Once this has been swallowed by man kind, we can step forward to transform other lives! 

I found myself wondering how my four months of being here at the Children's Home would benefit these children......and god has shown me "you have a patient, warm and loving heart". For I believe alot of the children here need to see that there are people who will give them an ear to express themselves, a arm to cry on if needed and time! They also need to see that others believe in them.Once they see these things, a seed will be planted and as the days, months and years pass by......I pray they will grow like wild fire!

Everyday, I have to remind myself, "Nicole you must focus on your purpose of being there- work with the kids and provide a fresh eye on legislation and the running of the children's home "group homes. Even if you do not see change before your departure, know that the seed has been planted and god has the power to shift things and to change things according to his will. So my work here at Saint Dominc's Children's Home will not be in vein". 

There was a reason the door open to come Saint Dominc's Children's Home, and I will continue to walk through the door with a learning mind. I will embrace the challenging days; will continue to shower the kids with love; and continue to tell the lord "Use me lord, here I am"! 

Expression of love

Week one has already approached, and my work load and projects are beginning to formulate. The other day, I was home sick. I was missing my girls at the group home in the states, my youth at church and my normal surroundings and daily life in the states. But I had to get myself out of that gear and remind myself, my presence is needed here. Probably for more than one reason! So, I had to spend time with myself and god, looking over the beautiful view of the mountains. This alone time allowed me to reflect and realize, there are so many people who would love to be in my shoes right now and be here.

While touring around the campus here, I approached this picture and it reminded me about a statement made to me, before departure "you have a heart of a missionary". I may not have the title "Missionary Marchman" but I know deep down, my heart for children pumps fast and I would go out of my way to save a child's life and show them, you are loved! I remember growing up not feeling loved and now to have the ability and passion to show children what love is.........goes deep beyond measure for me.
I know its no one but god, that allowed me to have such a passion and love for kids. I pray that the children at Saint Dominic's Home can see that and remember it!

Planting those seeds

Its day three, since my arrival at Saint Dominic's Children's Home. The boys from Saint Joseph's Home have already warmed up to me. Before my arrival here, I already knew god would use up every once of my experience from the states here in Trinidad. And he has already begun! Over the past two nights, I have been supervising the boys. It wasn't a problem because it places me back into a comfort zone of knowing the "group home" dynamics. However, I have learned a few differences: one staff per home here verses two staff per shift in the states. And the amount of kids doesn't change anything. Like back home, I have to check the boys rooms through the night, to make sure everything is okay. The boys go to bed pretty late, but of course that's because they're still on Christmas holiday until Monday. They have been sitting up late with me, to talk about various subjects. During our conversations, one of the boys asked if I have any children and I told him no, but I work with alot of children back in the states and I call them "my kids". So one of the other boys said, "she works with us, so we are her kids". I was surprised by this statement because I have only been here for three days. But it brought a smile to my face, because god is already allowing me to plant seeds into their lives and I pray that seed will only grow and grow. Even after my time has finished here!

Warm Welcoming

Arrived to Trinidad and Tobago without any issues arising. I was amazed at the beauty of the island, with the position of the houses, the people are friendly, and the children seem well mannered.....with their please, thank yous, yes sister and apologetic compared to what the states often lack. Oh yeah, and the people speak "sang song"......couple sayings already heard - " he ain't right here" (person is crazy) and when asked how customs agent was at Trinidad & Tobago airport, he said " I dey" (I'm fine).

Along the drive to the Saint Dominic's Children's Home, it was weird how the sister was driving on the right side of the car, rather than Americans. Its an English rule and the cars are English style. The roads are weird to. But hey, that's what culture is and will take some getting use to. All apart of the experience, right?

Upon arrival to the Children's Home, we arrived to Belmont which is on the border of Port of Spain. So my view, is Port of Spain which is the capital of Trinidad and Tobago. We approached the guards at the entry gate of the home and drove up this BIG hill, where the Children's Home main campus sits upon ten acres of land. Over the next 16 weeks of my field placement/missionary work, I will be residing in the Saint Joseph Home with the 13-16 year old gentlemen. When entering the home, I was proved with a tour of the home, ending with entry into my "apartment space". The room was cleaned and set up with the help of the boys and home staff. They created a welcoming basket, putting many of goodies in it, placed a plant on my bed side and decorated my bathroom. It was lovely and very thoughtful.

I am blessed to be here, and all the nuns great you with a welcoming hug......which makes me feel apart of the community already.

Ministry connected to my schooling

The time has come. Less than 24 hours, I shall be in Trinidad. A good friend of mine, sent this passage from the bible to me today:

"Go forth from your country, and from your relatives and from your father's house, to the land which I will show you, I will make you a great  nation and I will bless you and make your name great" Genesis 12:1-2......

It reminds me of the purpose behind this trip and I ask the lord to equip me, directs my foot steps from beginning to end and that he allows me to see and feel as he would have me to. I pray that he will allow me to embrace any challenging task that may be assigned over the four months there. And after each assignment has been completed, he will seal them!

So, as you see this trip is more than just an MSW field placement. Its a ministry to me! That is why, I have to keep reminding myself, there is no need to worry about adjusting there because god will allow me to adapt with out any problems.

God has allowed both my ministry and schooling to connect together and that in itself is a blessing. I'm blessed to share this with my support system and family. And most importantly, my girls here in the states! May the children I've worked with here, realize how much world is out for grabs.....if they just go after it!

Continue to keep me lifted, and we will be in touch along this journey.