Leadth Me Beside the Still Waters

I cannot believe week three has already approached! Before my arrival in Trinidad and Tobago, I ask the lord to allow me (1) see things as he would have me see them (2) have me hear things as he would have me to hear them and (3) shine his light through me, so others can see it. Now that I am walking along the pavement every morning, I tend to pray that the lord will allow me to plant the seeds. Not just any seed, but seeds of harvesting fruit, change, hope, peace, love, and most importantly - there is a separation between the past trauma and the future. Too often, I am seeing kids stuck in their past! This often causes the inability to move beyond that point and enter a whirlwind of self destruction. What is the solution? I would have to say - meeting the children where they are at; helping them to own their story , helping them to realize their not to blame for what others have inflicted upon them; and most importantly - allow them to exercise their "VOICE". If those around them are unable to help kids achieve these key components, they will not be successful upon discharge - into society (aging out of the system, reuniting with parent (s) or guardian. That is why its critical for those coming into the child welfare field, to engage with the youth, help the youth know they are special and ensure them - " I will not give up on you". Too often, I hear youth say "I should have stayed in my abusive home. Because the foster system is just as damaging". This breaks my heart and this needs to be changed! If it doesn't, the youth will never heal but die inside. We owe our kids more than this. And I for one, have promised god to do all I can.......to bring about CHANGE! After all, god did not bring me out of a dark tunnel for nothing. He knew I could be the missing piece of the puzzle to make children in need.

Who would have thought?

Who would have thought? I never would have thought my trauma childhood and early adulthood would grant me the ability to experience a day overseas. As many are aware, I grew up in an abusive home, with abusive parents who could care less about my safety or happiness. All they cared about, was hurting a child who couldn't stand up for herself! Little did they know, all the pain I endured by their hands only set me up for greater things. Trinidad and Trinidad is only one of those praise reports.

Once I began facing my past, and freed myself from a domestic violence marriage.....I was able to begin seeing gods calling over my life. Who would have thought that calling would take me back to - foster care world? I hated everything foster care stood for! But then again, who would be a better advocate for the thousands of children currently being served in Florida's foster care system?

I guess god knew he couldn't leave it up to me! And that is why he opened the doors, directed my foot steps and sent people along the way.....that would lay the foundation of missionary, social worker and advocate. Who would have thought? Surely not me! God continually reminds me, I know the plans I have for you Nicole. I knew you before you came out of your mothers womb. These two reminders make me understand how those not so pleasant traumatic expressions only molded me to do greater things and be a stronger and resilient person.

This time last year, I would have never thought international social work would be my calling, but much to my surprise, a door opened to travel Czech Republic. That trip was just a taste of the international world. And I loved it! Who would have thought? I didn't! But god must have believed in me and knew my heart would only burn deeper to become an international advocate! Because, he already allowed me to become a local, state, and national foster care advocate.....but that wasn't enough. He needed me on an international level. Who would have thought? 

Now, I am completing my graduate practicum at Saint Dominic's Children's Home in Trinidad and Tobago. I have been here for two in a half months and have another three in a half months to go. It has already been placed on my heart to extend my internship for an additional two months. Why? Because alot of work needs to be done! Since my arrival at the Children's Home, I have already (1) created a life skills workbook (2) "Change Your Thoughts and Emotions" workbook for individual sessions (3) Drafted Transitional Discharge Plan document for youth aging out of the home (4) Supervising the boys residing with (Saint Joseph Home) and (5) Court Shadowing.

Next week, I am looking forward to (1) supervising a family visitation (2) sharing my story with the off-site transitional boys home (3) making recommendations on the homes Policy Manual.

I am truly grateful for this experience and looking forward to seeing how the rest of this practicum unfolds! Again I ask, who would have thought?

Walking out your purpose

Often, when giving god thanks during the day, I have to say " thank you for the doors you've opened and closed for me".  Often we don't think about the meaning behind a closed door. For me, a close door represents my past and a open door represents my future. In order to take a step into the future, I most accept my past and embrace it. Once my past has been embraced, I can move forward and be used for gods purpose with a clear mind. Once this has been swallowed by man kind, we can step forward to transform other lives! 

I found myself wondering how my four months of being here at the Children's Home would benefit these children......and god has shown me "you have a patient, warm and loving heart". For I believe alot of the children here need to see that there are people who will give them an ear to express themselves, a arm to cry on if needed and time! They also need to see that others believe in them.Once they see these things, a seed will be planted and as the days, months and years pass by......I pray they will grow like wild fire!

Everyday, I have to remind myself, "Nicole you must focus on your purpose of being there- work with the kids and provide a fresh eye on legislation and the running of the children's home "group homes. Even if you do not see change before your departure, know that the seed has been planted and god has the power to shift things and to change things according to his will. So my work here at Saint Dominc's Children's Home will not be in vein". 

There was a reason the door open to come Saint Dominc's Children's Home, and I will continue to walk through the door with a learning mind. I will embrace the challenging days; will continue to shower the kids with love; and continue to tell the lord "Use me lord, here I am"! 

Expression of love

Week one has already approached, and my work load and projects are beginning to formulate. The other day, I was home sick. I was missing my girls at the group home in the states, my youth at church and my normal surroundings and daily life in the states. But I had to get myself out of that gear and remind myself, my presence is needed here. Probably for more than one reason! So, I had to spend time with myself and god, looking over the beautiful view of the mountains. This alone time allowed me to reflect and realize, there are so many people who would love to be in my shoes right now and be here.

While touring around the campus here, I approached this picture and it reminded me about a statement made to me, before departure "you have a heart of a missionary". I may not have the title "Missionary Marchman" but I know deep down, my heart for children pumps fast and I would go out of my way to save a child's life and show them, you are loved! I remember growing up not feeling loved and now to have the ability and passion to show children what love is.........goes deep beyond measure for me.
I know its no one but god, that allowed me to have such a passion and love for kids. I pray that the children at Saint Dominic's Home can see that and remember it!

Planting those seeds

Its day three, since my arrival at Saint Dominic's Children's Home. The boys from Saint Joseph's Home have already warmed up to me. Before my arrival here, I already knew god would use up every once of my experience from the states here in Trinidad. And he has already begun! Over the past two nights, I have been supervising the boys. It wasn't a problem because it places me back into a comfort zone of knowing the "group home" dynamics. However, I have learned a few differences: one staff per home here verses two staff per shift in the states. And the amount of kids doesn't change anything. Like back home, I have to check the boys rooms through the night, to make sure everything is okay. The boys go to bed pretty late, but of course that's because they're still on Christmas holiday until Monday. They have been sitting up late with me, to talk about various subjects. During our conversations, one of the boys asked if I have any children and I told him no, but I work with alot of children back in the states and I call them "my kids". So one of the other boys said, "she works with us, so we are her kids". I was surprised by this statement because I have only been here for three days. But it brought a smile to my face, because god is already allowing me to plant seeds into their lives and I pray that seed will only grow and grow. Even after my time has finished here!

Warm Welcoming

Arrived to Trinidad and Tobago without any issues arising. I was amazed at the beauty of the island, with the position of the houses, the people are friendly, and the children seem well mannered.....with their please, thank yous, yes sister and apologetic compared to what the states often lack. Oh yeah, and the people speak "sang song"......couple sayings already heard - " he ain't right here" (person is crazy) and when asked how customs agent was at Trinidad & Tobago airport, he said " I dey" (I'm fine).

Along the drive to the Saint Dominic's Children's Home, it was weird how the sister was driving on the right side of the car, rather than Americans. Its an English rule and the cars are English style. The roads are weird to. But hey, that's what culture is and will take some getting use to. All apart of the experience, right?

Upon arrival to the Children's Home, we arrived to Belmont which is on the border of Port of Spain. So my view, is Port of Spain which is the capital of Trinidad and Tobago. We approached the guards at the entry gate of the home and drove up this BIG hill, where the Children's Home main campus sits upon ten acres of land. Over the next 16 weeks of my field placement/missionary work, I will be residing in the Saint Joseph Home with the 13-16 year old gentlemen. When entering the home, I was proved with a tour of the home, ending with entry into my "apartment space". The room was cleaned and set up with the help of the boys and home staff. They created a welcoming basket, putting many of goodies in it, placed a plant on my bed side and decorated my bathroom. It was lovely and very thoughtful.

I am blessed to be here, and all the nuns great you with a welcoming hug......which makes me feel apart of the community already.

Ministry connected to my schooling

The time has come. Less than 24 hours, I shall be in Trinidad. A good friend of mine, sent this passage from the bible to me today:

"Go forth from your country, and from your relatives and from your father's house, to the land which I will show you, I will make you a great  nation and I will bless you and make your name great" Genesis 12:1-2......

It reminds me of the purpose behind this trip and I ask the lord to equip me, directs my foot steps from beginning to end and that he allows me to see and feel as he would have me to. I pray that he will allow me to embrace any challenging task that may be assigned over the four months there. And after each assignment has been completed, he will seal them!

So, as you see this trip is more than just an MSW field placement. Its a ministry to me! That is why, I have to keep reminding myself, there is no need to worry about adjusting there because god will allow me to adapt with out any problems.

God has allowed both my ministry and schooling to connect together and that in itself is a blessing. I'm blessed to share this with my support system and family. And most importantly, my girls here in the states! May the children I've worked with here, realize how much world is out for grabs.....if they just go after it!

Continue to keep me lifted, and we will be in touch along this journey.